Wiping with official tender (contains explicit content)

So last week I got this week-long job proofreading for a translation company; I was supposed to proofread the English text of newspaper articles translated from Arabic to English by Egyptians. They said they wanted native speakers, so I qualified. So mostly I'd have to say the job was pretty awesome, if a bit humorous. The quality of the work we received was terrible, and judging from the attitude of the translators, it wasn't their fault. I was a bit embarassed for the newspaper we were translating for because the writing was so bad. But then again, that made it way better for me, because I could be judgmental and scoffing like, "I know this!" And it was the first time I've done a job that involves doing anything, the only thing I've learend in school, that's writing. And it was interesting trying to figure out what was the most accurate way to convey meaning while keeping a potential interested by removing stylistic distractions. Pop stars must have to do that all the time. In a more cynical version, I though, hey, white people correcting brown people's work, being served coffee and tea by black people. In 2006. Huzzah! No, not really, everyone else working with me was Egyptian but grew up in England. The English are so funny.

Yeah anyway, that is all background information. I went to the bathroom and not all the bathrooms here come with complimentary toilet paper. I mean they don't have any. And I forgot that and normally I check but I didn't. And normally I have my backpack so it's no big, I just get out my napkins and get to it. But on this fateful day, I ducked into the bathroom on my way back from the tech's office and relieved myself, except I soon discovered I'd actually panicked myself, because SHIT! there was no toilet paper. I looked around frantically for anything other than my left hand, but there were neither rags nor cleenex nor any reusables in the trash.

And then I remembered! Those nearly worthless but now priceless rags-that-pass as currency in this country. Yes, my friends, I squeezed out of this pinch thanks to a few 25 piaster notes. That's about four and a half cents for those of you keeping score at home. 9 cents later I was clean enough to race back to my backpack to get my precious streetlady-napkins and return to the loo to finish the job.

I'm sorry, that was really gross but I'm making myself laugh...

the truth about God's sovereignty

Today, I was getting on a minibus in Cairo at 3:00 AM and I realized that through all my postmodern psycho-linguistico-spiritual melodrama, I have an unwavering belief in God's protection over my life whenever I use public transportation. Airplanes don't count.

20 year-old boy considers shaving, blogs instead

In news today, a narcissist reports that peach fuzz on the site of Alex's future chops has made contact with stubble--er, okay, more peach fuzz--on his chin, heightening hopes that Alex might look really savage some day. 17 year-olds dressed in black and head-banging to Fall Out Boy, PETA directors, and Che Guevara's widow have expressed delight at the most recent developments, but really hot babes remain mildly revolted and continue imploring Alex to "just shave it off." "Ewww," an anonymous source confided.

Puberty Project chief The Pituitary Gland has issued a statement saying that everything is going as planned and repeated earlier promises that work would be complete in five to ten years, but made no mention of handlebars, which remain nowhere in sight.

Aid al-Adha

It's Aid al-Adha here in Cairo, which means that I can here the belch-like protests of sheep being dragged through my building. They will be slaughtered to commemorate Ibrahim's (Abraham's) obedience to God's command to sacrifice his son (God provides a lamb).

I just got back from vacationing in Lebanon and Jordan, and returned to Cairo strangely pleased to be back.

I've always wanted to do that thing in my profile, with the song quotes. I would talk like that if I could.